


Think of the Children

by EldritchSandwich



Series: DC United [14]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Comedy, Embarrassment, Fluffy Sandwich, Gen, Single Parents, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich
Summary: Tim Drake is going to be scarred for life, and Steph and Cass aren't helping. Bruce definitely isn't helping.
Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain
Series: DC United [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964518
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	Think of the Children

Stephanie Brown and Cassandra Cain were sitting on the couch, watching TV. Well, not so much sitting as cuddling, with a strong chance of making out looming on the horizon. Steph was lying with her head in Cass' lap, sighing peacefully as Cass stroked her hair and dropping hints about how good it felt and what talented hands she had and so on. Cass had finally leaned down for a kiss, only partly to shut her up, when the door to the drawing room slammed open. Cass pulled away from the kiss with a petulant scowl, but not before Tim Drake threw his hands dramatically into the air.

"Oh, great! That's all I need!"

He was wearing sweats, which since it was near dawn suggested he'd just changed out of his costume, a theory further supported by the fact that he'd been in such a hurry he'd forgotten to take his mask off.

Steph sighed, but didn't bother to lift her head from Cass' lap. "Okay, I guess we're doing this now. What's up?"

Tim had already started pacing. It was very rarely a good sign. "So I'm out on patrol. I'm sweeping the East End, Bruce is doing the South Side, then we're gonna meet up and do one more run by Arkham on the way home."

Steph nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's the route."

"Right. Except when I get to the Big Cheese..."

"The what?"

"The big...that building, you know, the one shaped like a giant cheese wedge, I don't know what it's really called."

"Across from the milkshake place," Cass added helpfully, and Steph's face lit up.

"Oh yeah! I love that place! Sorry, continue."

"I get to the Big Cheese, and Bruce radios to let me know he's running behind and I should just head home, let him know if there are any problems."

"Right..."

"And I think fine, I'll swing by that taco truck with the good guac, so I'm heading west, thinking about tacos, and then suddenly I'm looking down on the roof of this apartment building and I see..."

"What?"

Tim sighed. "I see Bruce and Catwoman...together."

"Fighting?" Cass offered, too slowly to suggest she actually believed it. Tim's jaw jutted out.

"No. Not fighting. Doing...something else."

Steph and Cass both went wide-eyed. "Wait. They were...you know. Doing..." Tim just groaned, and Steph's nose wrinkled. "Like...in their costumes?"

Tim's lips were a tight, thin line pointing directly at how little he wanted to be having this conversation. "They were in...most of their costumes."

Cass wrinkled her nose. "That's not sanitary."

Tim threw up his hands. "Yeah, freaking tell me about it!"

"Did they...see you?" Steph asked, and Tim's hands stayed up.

"Jesus, I hope not! I mean, what am I supposed to do, just see if he brings it up, pretend it never happened? Who are you texting?"

"Babs," Steph said without looking up from her phone. "'Hey, what's the protocol if you catch BM and CW boinking on a rooftop? Asking for a friend.'"

"What? Don't tell people! What if—"

Steph's phone buzzed almost immediately, then shortly after twice more. Steph smirked, then turned the phone around so first Cass, then Tim could read it.

_Yeah that happens_

_The most important thing, if you weren't too scarred for life, is that you absolutely have to roast him about it as hard as you possibly can_

_I'm not joking even a little. This is vitally important because it's the only way he'll learn_

Before any of them could respond, a deep voice shouting "Tim?" echoed in from the hall. Tim blanched, but Steph just set down her phone with a smile and craned her neck toward the door.

"We're in here, Bruce!"

Tim barely had time to glare at her and gesture angrily with his arms before Bruce's freshly de-cowled head poked through the door. He frowned. "You okay, Tim? You didn't check in when you got back."

"Yeah forgot sorry," Tim ground out through his teeth, staring intently at an amazingly interesting spot on the upholstery of the couch. Before Bruce could follow up, Steph sat up, still smiling.

"So, Bruce. Tim tells us you hit some trouble at the end of your patrol?"

Bruce glanced at her, then at Cass who was, as usual, completely stone-faced. "I...wouldn't say trouble exactly. I just fell behind a bit. Nothing to worry about."

Steph nodded. "So...would you say you...got a little behind...tonight?"

Bruce furrowed his brow. "I guess..."

"I mean I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just trying to establish, you know...what kind of...behind...you were getting tonight."

Bruce glanced from Steph's innocent smile to Cass, whose face was markedly more inscrutable even than normal, then to Tim, who was staring so hard at the couch Bruce was half-convinced he was hoping to spontaneously turn Kryptonian and set it on fire with his gaze. Bruce squeezed his eyes shut in recognition and sighed.

"Okay. Is there anything I can possibly say to make this less awkward?"

"Absolutely not," Steph said with a huge grin, even by her standards.

Bruce just nodded, then stepped toward Tim and carefully raised a hand to his shoulder. "Tim..." He took a deep breath. "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..."

Cass burst out laughing.


End file.
